Andy Weir [Pdf] The Martian

Free read The Martian

Even signal Earth that he’s alive and even if he could get word out his supplies would be gone long before a rescue could arrive Chances are though he won’t have time to starve to death The damaged machinery unforgiving environment or plain old “human error” are much likely to kill h. Crap My astronaut crewmates accidentally left me behind on Mars I m fucked I m going to die Oh wait I just thought of something highly logically unlikely and technically complicated that I am sure to pull off without a hitch because did I mention that I am Plucky and Ingenious It sure is a good thing that I am super talented Yay That worked I m not dead Next chapter But wait Disaster has struck Shit happens when you re stuck alone on Mars Whatever shall I do OMG I just had a great idea It s a good thing I m so naturally optimistic because it sure would make for a bummer book if I ever showed any signs of being depressed or having any kind of mental deterioration after spending nearly two years in total solitude Nah I ve got the fightin spirit I can create a life support system out of duct tape What does Mars actually look like Is there anything interesting from a scientific perspective about it Who cares I m busy growing potatoes in shit and watching Three s Company Did I mention that disco sucks RepeatFor a whileI do not get the hype

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The Martian

Im first But Mark isn’t ready to give up yet Drawing on his ingenuity his engineering skills and a relentless dogged refusal to uit he steadfastly confronts one seemingly insurmountable obstacle after the next Will his resourcefulness be enough to overcome the impossible odds against hi. So that is the situation I m stranded on Mars I have no way to communicate with Hermes or Earth Everyone thinks I m dead I m in a Hab designed to last thirty one days If the oxygenator breaks down I ll suffocate If the water reclaimer breaks down I ll die of thirst If the Hab breaches I ll just kind of explode If none of those things happen I ll eventually run out of food and starve to death So yea I m fucked When I read the line kind of explode I couldn t help thinking of Arnold Schwarzenegger in the movie Total Recall face contorted eyes bulging as the oxygen deprived atmosphere of Mars was about to detonate his head I ll wait for the next mission to a blue planet thank you very muchMark Watney Mars astronaut has a lot to worry about It is hard to say if he has to worry about than Douglas uaidHauser Arnold s character in the movie At least he doesn t have people trying to kill him on Mars In fact when his fellow astronauts left he effectively becameEMPEROR OF MARSIt might be the shortest reign in history Mars keeps trying to kill me He amends that thought with Mars and my stupidity keep trying to kill me Watney is far from stupid He scavenges like a futuristic version of Robinson Crusoe from the left over debris of the Hermes crew s hasty departure The incident that ended Watney s life had them in a panic Reports of my demise have been greatly exaggerated He finds a whole memory stick of seventies sitcoms to keep him occupied and importantly stuff to keep him alive Watney becomes the first farmer on Mars He knows he doesn t have enough food to last until the next mission to Mars is scheduled so he has to improvise Luckily the crew was to be there over the Thanksgiving holiday and for morale purposes NASA sent along potatoes with those all important eyes intact My morning piss goes in a resealable plastic box when I open it the rover reeks like a truck stop men s room I could take it outside and let it boil off But I worked hard to make that water and the last thing I m going to do is waste it I ll feed it to the water reclaimerEven precious is my manure It s critical to the potato farm and I m the only source on Mars Fortunately when you spend a lot of time in space you learn how to shit in a bag And if you think things are bad after opening the piss box imagine the smell after I drop anchor When he finds a way to communicate with Earth in one of his spectacular MacGuyver moments they tell him that he is going to have to drive to another site where there is a rocket ship already delivered waiting for the next mission He will drive on terrain that looks like this The ship is in Giovanni Schiaparelli s crater Watney being Watney has a few juvenile observations about his arrival at the crater Tomorrow night I ll sink to an all new lowLemme rephrase thatTomorrow night I ll be at rock bottomNo that doesn t sound good eitherTomorrow night I ll be in Giovanni Schiaparelli s favorite holeOkay I admit I m just playing around now The science is unbelievable and since Andy Weir was a fifteen year old prodigy and is obviously still extremely bright in middle age I have to believe him that he has this all figured out Watney injects humor as he explains his innovative scientific brilliance which at times had my eyes glazed over trying to keep up So even as you are getting overwhelmed by the science Weir will elicit an eye roll from the sophisticated reader He might even inspire an outright chortle if you are of the low brow variety of humor lovers I must be of the pan humor variety as he elicited a wide range of sniggers snorts and raised eyebrows from me I tested the brackets by hitting them with rocks This kind of sophistication is what we interplanetary scientists are known for The one thing that might save your life on Mars Earth or any other planet you might want to visit is something that NASA didn t invent Also I have duct tape Ordinary duct tape like you buy at a hardware store Turns out even NASA can t improve on duct tape Watney worships duct tape and given the hairbrained ideas he puts into practice he needs miles and miles of it It turns out duct tape has a variety of uses for providing additional support We are such an ingenious species Weir convinced me that Watney could live on Mars for over a year while awaiting rescue With mangled euipment a harsh unforgiving terrain and the ever present one thing going wrong depression that Watney has to overcome everyday this reader started feeling the pain of failure and the elation of success right along with him As the world learns he is alive humanity began rooting not for the American to live but for the human species to triumph In the 1970s when I was old enough to watch what NASA was doing and marvelled at our ability to do the impossible It was a time when absolutely anything seemed achievable We d had leadership that insisted that we needed to go to the moon We still built things now it feels like the monuments of our times are being built other places I do think we all miss having a common goal Something that we all feel we are a part of something larger than ourselves With a space program gutted and the idea of a manned mission to Mars staggeringly expensive it makes me realize how lucky I was to grow up in a time when it really felt like the impossible was possible I m probably the last of the optimists who still believes that we have to go see it we have to put our footprint on it we have to scatter our debris around and say yes we were here We need a Mark Watney to be lost on Mars so we have something to cheer for that brings us together as a species Besides book reviews I also have started writing movie reviews These can be found at my blog

Andy Weir ¾ 4 Read

Six days ago astronaut Mark Watney became one of the first people to walk on Mars Now he’s sure he’ll be the first person to die thereAfter a dust storm nearly kills him and forces his crew to evacuate while thinking him dead Mark finds himself stranded and completely alone with no way to. Unpopular opinion time I don t like how this book is written Watney s journals read like a nerdy blog rather than a dramatic survivor s diary It s hard to find something harrowing and traumatic when the protagonist is saying yay a lot and making incessant corny puns 36 pirate ninjas Yay oxygen Lol gay probe lol1 Bad rover no Scooby snack111 LOL craaaaaaap1 For me those aren t funny they re almost embarrassingNo matter what horrible thing is happening to Watney he s sure to pull though but not before laying a smug cutesy zinger on us It sucks all the tension out of any situation which is the complete opposite of what I want in a book that s supposed to be a thrillerNow don t get me wrong Andy Weir is a great technical writer When Watney isn t being a wacky douche he s going on and on about some technical or mechanical or biological process that with me not being a scientist usually goes over my head And that s fine I have no fault with a book that s factually complicated like that In fact it s really admirable and cool that Weir is able to pool all of his expertise into a book about survival on Mars That being said other aspects of the book suffer According to the author s bio on the back of the book Andy Weir was first hired as a programmer for a national laboratory at age fifteen and has been working as a software engineer ever since He is also a lifelong space nerd and a devoted hobbyist of subjects like relativistic physics orbital mechanics and the history of manned spaceflight If I can stereotype here it shows My guess is that he doesn t really know how people behave or interact in the real world The dialog is stilted and awkward The characters are all one dimensional and flat They almost seem like an afterthought The emotional and psychological trauma rendered by all these near death experiences and complete and utter isolation What trauma There s no mention of that anywhere Watney is apparently that cool and awesome of a guy as evidenced by all his canned laugh track one liners and grating sarcasmBut hey maybe that doesn t bother some people obviously considering that people actually watch The Big Bang Theory and they re in for a technologically driven funny space thriller Because I have to admit it s a terrifyingly cool premise It just wasn t what I was expecting I was hoping for an emotionally taxing horrifying survival drama but instead got a cutesily witty astrophysics manual Just because something is nerdy doesn t automatically mean that it s good

10 thoughts on “The Martian

  1. says:

    I’m pretty much fucked Ok show of hands How many of you have uttered these exact words? or words to that effec

  2. says:

    Unpopular opinion time I don't like how this book is written Watney's journals read like a nerdy blog rather than a dramatic survivor's diary It's hard to find something harrowing and traumatic when the protagonist is saying yay a lot and making incessant corny puns 36 pirate ninjas Yay oxygen Lol gay probe lol1 Bad rover no Scooby snack111

  3. says:

    First off welcome to 2015Let's kick this year off with a review of a book about a guy who deserves to survive than anyone I've ever known This book has been lurking around in my Goodreads feed gaining hype and all the posi

  4. says:

    'Crap My astronaut crewmates accidentally left me behind on Mars I'm fucked I'm going to die Oh wait I just thought of something highly logically unlikely and technically complicated that I am sure to pull off without a hitch because did I mention that I am Plucky and Ingenious? It sure is a good thing that I am super talented Ya

  5. says:

    Adult science thrillerLove it love it A meticulously researched briskly paced and surprisingly funny story about an astronaut left behind on Mars presumed dead who must now figure out how to survive and let the folks back on Earth know he is alive and needs rescue This is hard science science fiction Parts of it read like really complicated but amusing word problems juggling mass and time and weight etc But all of that adds to th

  6. says:

    I have never wanted so badly for the characters in a book to be real I want to meet them all the way I want to meet the president or Taylor SwiftThis story is perfectly told It is perfectly paced it is brilliantly

  7. says:

    I go so emotional at the end so good

  8. says:

    I'm so happy that I randomly decided to pick this book up I did find that the story dragged a bit towards the end and some of things went over my head a little bit but for the most part this was a fantastic read

  9. says:

    ”So that is the situation I’m stranded on Mars I have no way to communicate with Hermes or Earth Everyone thinks I’m dead I’m in a Hab designed to last thirty one days If the oxygenator breaks down I’ll suffocate If the water reclaimer breaks down I’ll die of thirst If the Hab breaches I’ll just kind of explode If none of tho

  10. says:

    i have finally seen the movie so i added some notes at the bottomthis book is basically just a really long SAT uestion and i so hope the movie is just matt damon sitting at a table doing euations for two and a half hours oh but first as promised here are the photos of me being an astronaut this past weekend zooooom i am orbiting the eeeeeeaaaarttthh i did a really good job at astronauting and i didn't need to do math even once although i